The Stigma of Divorce..

So I was a bit apprehensive regarding whether to put my life out there in the public domain for all to see, but I figured while taking a shower this morning what the hell, this is the whole point of a blog in the first place. I have always been pretty upfront about my personal life, but I'm beginning to realize that our culture is kind of subversive and everything you might say or do is couched in innuendos and nuances. And I realized that it is not always that easy to be as open as one might want to be. Till now, I've treated the idea of my divorce as sort of a joke, whenever someone has brought out the topic of marriage or asked me why I'm not married, I'd point to something I'd notice about a married couple around me and say "... and that is why I am no longer married". This way I got to get the point across that I'm divorced and I'd then couch it with some statement like well how many times do people get to test drive something like this. I realize it makes me sound kinda callous but it helped divert the topic away from questions that more curious people might ask as to the why's and how's.
So anyway, this past week someone tried to hook me up. At the time, I don't think they were aware of my marital status and it was nice to know that people were looking out for me. However, once the stealth initial introduction was completed, pressure started mounting on the go-between person to figure out what my initial reaction was. I kept putting off giving him a direct answer by keeping on repeating the mantra that there was something I needed to tell him. Suddenly, I found myself feeling overly self conscious, as if I had committed this grand felony and I just didn't know how I could relay this information back to all the parties involved. On the other hand, I felt that I did need to get the girls' family know before we proceeded any futher that I'd been married previously.
So last night at a dinner, once again, I was asked the same question, what did I think and did I feel sufficiently interested in getting to know the girl better etc. And I had to resort to the best way I could think of at that moment, I told him talk to my mom! Anyway, my mom did talk to them and let them know the issue. I think that chapter will now be closed.
Two things arose from this whole situation. One, the fact that I'd suddenly been downgraded to the level of a second hand used good, since surely now that the girl's family is aware of the fact that I am divorced they will no longer be willing to proceed where just a few minutes prior they'd been very much interested. The second more important issue was how when it really mattered, I found myself so reluctant and found it so difficult to just say what I knew must be told.